Seriously, Serious
Well, here we are. The leaves have changed and most have begun to fall from the trees. The annual traditions have begun; bagging/mulching leaves, hanging decorative wreathes, good ol’ boys are headed to the woods, all the old ladies are checking the newspaper inserts for black Friday sales, college football is heating up, it is one of my favorite times of the year. Well, at least that is what is going on back in the real world, here; it’s more of the same, just at a more comfortable temperature. It’s still been 6 months since the last drop of rain fell, but the temperature is roughly 50 degrees cooler than it was when I left here at the beginning of October. I’m not complaining, just commenting.
During the time that I’ve been here, I’ve shared with you my readers some of my experiences here in the wonderland that is Southern Afghanistan. We’ve laughed, we’ve shared ideas, we’ve witnessed my grip on sanity slip as each month goes by, only to be regained and lost again.
With this current installment, I’m not going to spend much time, if any, explaining the ins and outs of the day to day at Kandahar Air Field. The people, the ideas and the everyday occurrences here that I encounter are much too ludicrous and mind boggling imbecilic for me to even attempt to explain. People, in general, are stupid. That is all you need to know. If you deny it, then you further prove my point. I will however, give a little taste of my own little world that exists when I’m alone in my room. My wife, with the help of her Aunt, made me a kick ass quilt (thanks) so I was able to find another use for my Tiger blanket. I’m not sure if I have mentioned my Tiger blanket before, but just a quick catch-you-up, it’s a super sweet, fleece-ish blanket with a tiger on it. Since I now have this most excellent quilt that my Old Lady gave me, I have found an alternate way to utilize my Tiger blanket. (I capitalize tiger in Tiger blanket, because the Tiger is sweet) You ever see Castaway with Tom Hanks? Sure you have. Well, Tommy had Wilson, I got Tiger. He’s folded up in a nice, neat square and he resides in various locations around the room (depends on what kind of mood he’s in) It’s nice to have someone to talk to at night, or yell at when I’m doing poorly in my video game, but he’s a poor conversationalist. All he says is “Roar,” so you can imagine my dismay when I try to carry on a conversation. Example:
me; “Hey what’s up Tiger?”
Tiger; “Roar”
Me: “Oh man Tiger, did you see that? I totally got screwed right there, stupid game”
Tiger: “Roar”
It pretty much goes on like this all night long. I guess in hindsight, after reading what I just typed, it would be pretty strange if he said anything other than “roar.” Even stranger, I’ve just told all of you that I talk to my blanket and he answers me back. Yeah I talk to my blanket, you wanna fight about it?
I want to take a minute here to talk to you about something very serious, no kidding around here okay? If you don’t want to take a minute for some serious time, then stop reading now and go back to watching SpongeBob. This is something that I, personally, have put a lot of thought into and it is very near and dear to my heart. I’m very, very serious here mmkay? What could I be talking about you ask? Well I’ll tell you, I’m talking about the coming Zombie Apocalypse. I’m serious, don’t laugh. It’s real and it’s coming. If you can’t grasp that, then I don’t know if I can help you. Don’t get caught up in all this movie Zombie mumbo jumbo either, like the pure genius that is Romero, the absolutely treacherous and blasphemous Return of the Living Dead crap (Zombies don’t talk and say things like “eat your brains, that movie set the Zombie Survivalist Movement back a decade) I’m not even talking about the newly released, and by the way, totally kick ass movie Zombieland. No, I’m talking serious here. I’m talking real. I’ll say it again, the Zombie Apocalypse is real and it is coming. Hopefully for all of your sakes, it won’t be in your lifetime. Sure, go ahead and laugh if you want, but rest assured, when I see you shambling around the street aimlessly, I won’t waste my ammo on you.
What I want you to do is take some time and think of what you will do when it happens. If you’re planning on raiding a gun store, I would suggest you think of all the other people that are planning to do the same thing, not to mention the gun store owners that, if they are still alive, are possibly hold up in their store to fight off the hoards and the looters. If you say, we’ll board up the house and wait it out, I won’t say that’s necessarily a bad idea, but you better be prepared. Have you thought about food stocks to last for months, a year plus? Have you thought about water? What about antibiotics? It would really suck to die of the common cold while holding out against the Zombie hoards. Speaking of the hoards (it is widely known among Zomboligist that Zombies will most likely “herd” together) will your house hold against a hundred, a thousand Zombies trying to get in? Just remember that by boarding up yourself in your house you are essentially preparing for siege warfare, except the Zombie’s will does not break. They do not rest, they do not stop. The siege will not end. Just remember that no place is safe, only safer. Food for thought, serious, deadly (un-deadly) thought.
For example, in my garage, I have hanging on the wall a couple of machetes and a hatchet. Easy to grab melee weapons, in case when it begins I’m caught off guard. I would suggest that everyone put together a “bug out” bag. A back pack or duffle bag that is easily accessible, that contains a first aid kit, a few days worth of food and water, a compass, a map of the surrounding area that you live in, flash light, batteries, a change of clothes, and if possible an emergency radio. (crank type) Who knows, if I’m wrong about the Zombie Apocalypse, and I’m not, but you never know when a “bug out” kit like that will come in handy. When Zack does come moaning and banging on the door and you’re caught off guard, you’ll thank me. (Zack = Zombie, i.e. Charlie – Vietnam or Ivan – Cold War)
Laugh if you want, but I just hope for your sake that someone is around to say “told you so.” Heed my warnings, and there be hope for you yet, at least for a while.
Enough serious talk for now, I’ve got some video gaming to get back to, and Tiger won’t shut up.
