Vector Wars
I saw a mouse in my bathroom the other day. Not your everyday, run of the mill, fuzzy, cute little field mouse. No, this was a big, bad, kangaroo looking, AK sporting Taliban super mouse.
Maybe I embellish a little, but refer to the Blue-Cheeked Bee Eater blog, these critters over here mean business.
I was sitting on my bed watching a movie, as I usually do in the evenings and I caught a glimpse of movement out of the corner of my eye. Those of you that know me pretty well, know that I have freaking eagle eyes, I got eyes that make eagles jealous even. So I set up slightly, because I was lounging quite superbly that evening, I sat up and I saw it again; a quick darting movement. I leapt from the bed and in a split second I was at the bathroom door, ready to squash any intruders. Spiders here can be and usually are, bigger than the common mouse, so I wasn’t real sure what to expect. I got there just in time to see the hairy devil bounce back into his hole. Yes, a classic cartoon style, Tom and Jerry hole in the wall. This little bugger used his razor-sharp, infidel hating mouse fangs to chew a hole in the caulking around the base of my shower. Where the shower meets the wall separating my bathroom from my neighbor Luis’. Not only did he chew up the caulking, but he also chewed and bent, I say chewed and bent the metal frame around the base of the shower.
There is a big lip in the door way of my room and my bathroom. The walls in the bathroom are all hard plastic, kind of like you would see in a janitor’s closet or something. I’m able to keep the disease carrying, metal mauling, mini monster out of my bedroom by shutting the door. At least for now, he hasn’t eaten the walls or the toilet yet. The very next day, we found a wee lil’ baby mouse in a trash can in the office. By using my unworldly amazing powers of deduction and logic, I concluded that the Taliban is using these cheese mongers as weapons. Not only are they small enough to pass through the base defences unnoticed, but once inside they can spread disease, mouse poo, and terror; ingenious plan on their part I thought. I told Luis that we need to prepare for all out war against this threat, Luis thought it would be a better idea to call Vector Control. (the critter gitters)
So the next day, Vector Control shows up and I show them the areas where we have been under attack. They put out some poison and some glue traps. I told the guy about General Mousenegger that lives in my bathroom and he gave me some extra glue traps. The day after that we all felt pretty confident that the invaders would be dying and suffering in heaps all around us. The morning check of my bathroom turned up nothing. None of the traps had been sprung and none of the poison looked as though it had been munched upon. To further prove my point that these are no ordinary mouses that we are facing, one of the glue traps was chewed and shredded all around, except for the glue part. The glue trap that is in my bathroom has been moved on several occasions. Not just scooted out-of-the-way a little, but moved to the entire opposite end of the room. The other day it was flipped over. These stinking demons are taunting me, I know it.
For now, the battle continues. One day, I hope to proclaim VR day. (victory over rodent) But until that day comes, I cannot take a dump in peace. Until that day comes I will always be watching for the metal chewing beast while I drop the kids off at the pool, or see the man about a dog. Always looking over my shoulder while I answer nature’s most sacred call. Will I ever again find a peaceful poo? Only time will tell, only time will tell.
